Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

We are still in turbulent times. If only I had a Venmo nickel for every time I heard the words uncertain or unprecedented…

Nowhere does it hit home more than people’s livelihoods. Their jobs. Their paychecks.

So many companies have laid people off. Some companies have furloughed their employees in the hope they can weather the storm and bring them back when things start to look up.

A leader’s compassion and communication is more important that ever right now.

I was talking with a friend the other day who is furloughed from his job.

He told me his leader hasn’t reached out, hadn’t checked in, no communication. It’s been radio silence since they were told they were being furloughed, nearly 7 months ago.

Now I’m having trouble wrapping my head around this. Then I spoke to a few other people who are leaders of employees furloughed or even laid off, and to my surprise one told me they hadn’t talked to their furloughed employees either! Why?

Because they didn’t know what to say. They felt uncomfortable, awkward. Another said they were worried they’d say the wrong thing.

I need another sip of coffee for this next part.

Yes! You’re right! It’s uncomfortable, it’s awkward…for BOTH of you no doubt.

But leaders, it’s not about you. It’s about your people, and what they need, and yes that means sometimes we have to have uncomfortable conversations.

If someone you know loses a loved one, do you ignore them because it’s awkward or uncomfortable? Of course not. You say things like, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” “my condolences,” convey sympathies, etc.

if you’ve lost a loved one, you know that these notes, cards, posts and wishes don’t take away the pain. None of it brings your loved one back, but doesn’t it still feel comforting to know someone cares? That someone is there to listen when you vent about an uncertain future, or the new normal without them? Or just took the time to say I’m sorry.? Speaking from experience of losing my dad and my mom, it means a lot…

The loss of a job -whether a layoff or furlough – still feels like a very personal loss in which people are hurting, not just financially, but feeling a loss of value, self-worth all the automatic negative thoughts that fester through this wide open wound…

If you want to be a leader, you need to

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Reach out to your furloughed team members or employees who were laid off. Ask them how they’re doing, empathize, affirm their hurt, and make sure they know they are – and always will be – a person of value, regardless of a job. Be human. Just have a conversation.

They might vent, be angry, frustrated, hurt. Don’t take it personally. Just listen. Don’t try to fix. Just show care and compassion. Meet them where they are, not where you are. Put yourself in their position. How would you be feeling?

If a company tells you not to talk to furloughed employees, that’s a problem. I would push back hard on that. That to me sounds like mistrust of their own people to not say the “right” things, and that’s not right.

Also, I think people often misconstrue a company’s direction of not reaching out to them about work, but that doesn’t mean not reaching out to say how are you.

When you talk to someone, they might try to pump you for information or ask work related questions. That is on you to be direct with them and say I don’t have any information, or you know we are not supposed to talk about that, I just really wanted to see how you are…

In absence of information, we create stories in our heads that are plagued with what ifs and even worse start talking to other people in the same situation and throw together wild tales and fuel the fire of wrong information

Of course you likely won’t be able to tell them what they want to hear if they’re furloughed, but even saying I don’t know is giving them a message better than the silence. It’s in the silence and absence of connection our minds go crazy.

There’s a lot of uncomfortable conversations you have as a leader. From giving constructive feedback to managing team conflict, and now this type of situation that likely most of us have never encountered before.

But leaders, stop making everything about you. As a leader, it’s about your people. It helps no one for you to avoid the discomfort and ignore your team and team mates.

So much of Leadership is just being a human being, and treating others the way you’d want to be treated if the situation was reversed.

What happens when a furloughed employee returns? What kind of team trust and culture did you sustain and what will it be like now?

Let’s sip on that…