Tea with Titans

Team. The most powerful word in the leadership language book. Without it, there would be no leaders. 

I’m not just talking about teams that are made up when you have a leader with direct reports, I’m also talking about the people you influence around you, school project or event teams, the sports teams you play on, the classes you teach, or church groups and events you lead. Even your family is a team. Everything you do requires the help of others. A team. 

I rewatched the movie Remember the Titans with Denzel Washington, one of my favorite actors, based on a true story about a school in Virginia in the early 1970s. 

I’ve seen it several times, but I haven’t watched it in a while. The themes in the movie are still relevant to everything going on right now. Sadly, yes, the racial discrimination is the most obvious theme that continues to plague us, but maybe the less obvious theme is taking a deeper look at WHY integrating was so hard for them.

Because it’s change and fear of the unknown. Fear of what isn’t like us. Fear or frustration based on perception and assumptions. Fear of someone else taking their spot on the team…someone who they believe is less deserving…does this sound like it might be happening with a team you’re on right now? 

“Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering” Yes, I just quoted Yoda.

Coach boon forced his white players and his black players into an uncomfortable situation, and they rebelled hard at first. And when they did? As their leader, he clearly outlined his expectations and stayed consistent and fair to all in pushing them to fall in line with his vision for the team. If they didn’t, there were concequences. As any good leader does, he recognized he needed to try different strategies – both on the field and off – until they finally made the choice to come together. This didn’t happen until they finally realized they all wanted the same thing; to play football, win games and have fun doing it as a team! They wanted to high-five each other and celebrate after games. But they needed to get past their uncertainties and assumptions first. 

It ultimately had to be their choice to get on the bus – literally like they did in the movie going to games – and figuratively. You can’t force authentic relationships, but as leaders you can – and absolutely should – set the vision and expectations for a team and build an environment that encourages and rewards teamwork. Maybe running up and down the stairs in your office building or neighborhood if you’re working from home – might be a good incentive when it’s not. Kidding…not kidding? 

Now I’m going to say something that might sound controversial to some.  

There is no such thing as healthy competition when you’re on the same team. 

There is nothing healthy about competing against your own team mate. Your competition should be the other team, or other business, brand, a sales goal you set for the team to beat, whatever! Whatever it is, you will go farther together. 

What a waste of energy and time to compete against your own team mates. And for what? Impress the boss? Promotions? 

Any leader that thinks it’s ok to play hunger games within their own team is not a leader. The world does not need more President Snows. It creates a competitive environment where people get more territorial over their ideas, their work, and worry about what others do or don’t do 

“Why do they get that? Why are they doing or not doing this” stop whining like a child and stop worrying about what other people do or don’t do – spend your energy on what you CAN control. 

Work together with your team mates, and work collaboratively. The more brains on an idea, the better the outcome will be. If another team isn’t pulling their weight, it will become apparent on its own. 

Don’t be the person on the field who asks the ref to call a foul on your own team mate! That would be so weird and wrong – but people are doing this in the workplace all of the time. 

And what goes around always comes around. You might be on the other end of that one day. But you of course have a perfectly good reason why or why not something is happening, right? Don’t you think the other person feels the exact same way? 

We don’t know why someone or another team is doing or not doing something. How about asking them. Show some empathy and find out how you can help, not harm, support and not throw them under the proverbial bus. 

“It’s amazing what we can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” A great Harry Truman quote. 

Sadly, there may come a point where you do have to cut someone from the team because despite your efforts, they just don’t care, they are 100% out for themselves, and bring a negative energy that’s pulling down the team. Just like when Gary kicks his best friend, Ray, off the team for not blocking for their Black teammates. It was a hard decision, but he did it for the greater good of the team. 

Effective leaders don’t allow negativity to permeate their team’s culture, regardless if that person is good at their job or not. I would argue a more important attribute of being good at your job is a team-first and people-first mentality over tasks. 

In honor of the Southern Tennessee Titans, we’re going to sip some tea, but being the SoCal girl that I am, our sips will be unsweetened. 

First sip of tea: 

1. Lead by example. In the beginning of the movie, most of the players wouldn’t even entertain the idea of playing alongside their team mates of another color, and why would they? The coaches needed to be align and work together, presenting a united front to their team FIRST. If you want your team to play along, get along, work together, stop looking at what they’re doing or not doing and start looking at yourself – are you setting the right example? How do you play with your peers? 

Second sip of tea: 

1. Listen and Learn. Pay attention to the voice of people who are different than you, who disagree with you. Give them a chance, hear – I mean really hear – what matters to them, get curious as to why they feel strongly about something, why something means so much to them, why something is or isn’t happening in their perception. Show them empathy and understanding. Imagine how far understanding can take us. Just like the two quarterbacks in the movie, when we take the time to ask questions and seek to understand, we will find we have a lot more in common than meets the eye.

Third sip:

1. Let it go and love. That’s right I said love, show your team and team mates you care about them. We treat people differently when we care about them from the heart. And just like family members, you can love someone without liking them or hanging out with them after work. Love is a choice, not a feeling you can’t control. Love is unconditional, patient, kind, doesn’t keep a record of wrong doings, trusts, respects…this will shift the way you look at the people around you and impact the way you treat them…for the better.

What really matters and lasts is not a project, or a task. Those come and go all the time. It’s not the work…it’s about the people. That’s where legacy and lasting impact is created and lives on. Put more effort into building up your people, your team, and I PROMISE you will get productivity, innovation as an outcome. But you can’t start there. People respond to emotional connections, authenticity, and are motivated by leaders and team mates who have their backs. 

When your team mate fumbles the ball, you pick it up for them and keep running with it… 

The first time the titans dance into the stadium and do their warm up, in their unique way, my eyes well up every time. That’s what every team should strive for…into every arena, every meeting, towards every goal…coming in together, as one voice…just like the mighty, mighty Titans.