Have you ever seen that movie Final Destination? It’s about a group of young people who cheat death when someone in the group has a premonition that saves them (trying to not spoil too much). But death continues to try to take them each out in a variety of ways because the message of the film is you can’t cheat death. I didn’t watch all five of the film franchise, only the first two, but I remember when I watched them I had a familiar reminder of a similar parallel in my own life.
I’ve almost died at least 3 times and miraculously I am still here to tell you about it.
When I was about 12 years old, I was trying to learn to surf. My mom was one of the few female surfers in the 1950s at Ocean Beach in San Diego. She raised me to love the beach and the ocean too. I still do. I’m so lucky to have grown up in Point Loma where the beach was a short bike ride away.
In one of my failed attempts to stay up on my short board, I wiped out hard. I pearled and in the confusion under water the back of the board hit my head. I was so disoriented under the water I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know which way was up to the surface. I remember praying and feeling like I was about to lose any bit of air left in my lungs, when suddenly I was at peace, and before I knew it my head was above water. My friends were with me asking if I was ok. No lifeguard in sight. My guardian angel did a radical assist that day.
It certainly deepens your faith when doctors have no explanation for why you got hit by a car, thrown off the hood of the car after breaking a windshield with my head and walked away without a broken bone, let alone blindness and brain damage. When I was in the ambulance the EMTs didn’t think it was funny when I said I didn’t have DRAIN BAMAGE. This happened when I was 16.
Through a myriad of car accidents as an adult, I thought that grim reaper was still trying to take me out, maybe because I cheated him as a kid. LOL. Then he went full force in 2008 when I was hit in my car by a tourist. Apparently the sun got in his eyes and pulled out in front of me. I broke my ankle then developed blood clots weeks later that shot up to my lungs and caused a bilateral pulmonary embolism. The doctors were shocked I survived. Especially since it happened at work. I felt dizzy, then had my husband pick me up. I went to bed and didn’t go to the ER until the next day. I had no idea what had happened! I had doctors visiting my hospital room for a week to see the woman who survived something they kept saying has taken out linebackers and marathon runners. I just told them all the same thing. It wasn’t my time yet. Apparently, I hadn’t fulfilled my purpose. God has more for me to do.
Super inspiring Gabby Bernstein wrote a book titled “The Universe Has Your Back”
And for me, I go back to, but who has the universe?
I am a person of faith, not religion. Sadly I believe humankind has distorted God with it’s made up doctrines, rules and rituals, and taking the Bible out of context. A relationship with God doesn’t have to be complicated. It just takes faith. Faith in something bigger than us, faith that the unexplained is too big and deep for our human brains – and that’s ok. Faith in a God who has created the universe and then yes, the universe has your back. The wonder and mystery of our universe keeps me grounded that there’s a bigger picture, a bigger spirit and even when people mess it up – oh and we so do with that darn free will thing – I can pray to the God of that universe.
I am a Christ-seeker and long to be like his example who led with love. Jesus was practicing inclusion before it was part of our modern vocabulary, bringing together all of types of people, demonstrating God’s love to all. Not to some, not to the ones who thought like him, ALL.
I believe it is our souls that make us unique. No two of us are alike. Ever. At all. Isn’t that in itself a miracle? I believe that humans are inherently selfish with a survival of the fittest mentality, that Simon Sinek talks so much about. It serves us well when we have environmental dangers like a bear chasing us, but creates ongoing stress and massive amounts of cortisol in our systems perpetually when we treat everything in our modern lives like a bear chasing us. I believe we just live intentionally to serve others in love and light, and takes a conscious effort to not allow this selfishness to dictate our decisions. I believe there is a God who loves all of us, and if we believe, we will see the world in a different perspective. We embrace differences as his creativity and creation. We recognize this life isn’t the end, and what we do here matters forever.
You’re probably thinking, what does this faith talk have to do with leadership?
For me? Everything.
My faith drives my values, my values drive my character, and character is the basis of leadership.
If you believe you don’t need faith in God or a higher power, then how do you define your moral compass? Even the laws of our country are based on some of the Ten Commandments. How do you know what’s right vs wrong, what is a moral absolute vs not? Not a rhetorical question. I would love to know. I love to learn about people’s beliefs and theories and have open, authentic conversation. But be forewarned. I am not a relativist. You can’t convince me there are not moral absolutes, unless you think walking up to someone random on the street and shooting them dead is ok. Then by all means stop reading this and seek professional help. A drastic example I know, but if you were horrified by me even saying that statement, that means you have a moral compass.
As leaders, we HAVE to define our moral compass in order to make decisions, counsel, and advise others.
How can you add value to others if you have no values yourself? What compass are you preaching and teaching from?
As a leader, you must first define your values. We all need to root our decision-making and actions in a set of core values. This is what makes up our character, and character is the heart of a leader. My values are rooted in the golden rule, do unto others as they would do unto you. Can you imagine what the world would be like if each of us followed this rule?
Secondly, do not compromise your values in the name of politics. If you recognize it’s not right to orchestrate a promotion behind the back of your leader above their head, or create secret alliances behind other people’s backs to take someone else down. These actions are cruel and the acts of “mean girls and boys” disguised and rationalized as politics to make us feel better or excused by our bad behavior. Rise above. Don’t claim to be an authentic leader and a leader with morals and values while you play these office hunger games. It will catch up with you. In 25+ years in the corporate world, it always does. Might take time, but what goes around always comes around. Besides, who will be around to support you when you do fail if you’ve made enemies of people by stepping on the backs of others? There’s nothing wrong with talking to people before a big meeting to gain advocacy for your idea, but lobbying to take down a person or take credit for someone else’s idea, or build your own empire at the expense of others or business, well then save the childish games for the playground or play more video games to feed your egotistical desire to conquer the world.
And finally, find your true north. When faced with difficult decisions, when your business is in trouble, when you’re forced to pivot because you’ve been furloughed or experienced job loss, where will you put your faith and how will you manage your fear? For me, knowing there’s a God who has my back, who will provide no matter what happens, create new paths I never even thought possible, and who comforts me to encourage faith not fear, is where I place my faith.
I love people and believe in them, but we are all the same wonderfully flawed human beings just trying to survive and thrive in an often scary world. We need something bigger to believe in, something that will keep the coffee flowing from what often times seems like an empty carafe. When I think about the grace I’ve been given throughout my life, my coffee cup runneth over…
Karlynn Holbrook 