Don’t

I believe the number one downfall of leaders is insecurity.

Think about a poor leader you’ve had or have. I bet most of their bad traits stem from their own insecurities. Change my mind!

I’ve had several insecure leaders, but one in particular took the cake when it came to insecurity. I watched this person try to actively take me and other members of their own team down like it was sport. Why? To make themselves feel better? Seem better? Look better?

At first it stung, I felt awful. I was in a new role so I questioned my own abilities and cried in my pillow a lot of nights when I got home. I dreaded going into work everyday. But a coach helped me work through what was really going on. This had nothing to do with me. This person was clearly miserable and insecure…

I was so focused on what the behavior did TO me I didn’t take a step back and focus on where it might be coming FROM. Once I stopped absorbing the feeling of inadequacy and insecurity myself, I saw a completely different situation. Perspective is everything! It helped me guard myself better and stay strong in my abilities. It also helped me to have more empathy for this person, as clearly they were battling deeper issues and trying so hard to convince the world otherwise…it doesn’t excuse the bad behavior, but once you can identify where it’s coming from, you realize one of author Don Miguel Ruiz’ “Four Agreements” to never take anything personally because it is never about you, is 💯 on the mark.

Even good leaders can have insecure behaviors and often times not even realize it.

Don’t trust your emotions. We are human, and should question our decisions and reactions to make sure insecurities aren’t sneaking into our behavior. Even good leaders have insecure moments. If you feel an insecurity pop up, it’s ok. Pause and discover what’s at the root of that feeling. Do you have a new leader? No leader? New job? New partner? Going through change? Worried about losing your job? Trying to impress a new boss?

I recently started a new job within my same company and all the insecurities started to surface, you know, those awful what if’s? What if my leaders don’t like me? What if my team doesn’t respect me? What if I do a bad job? What if I’m not as good as they hope I will be? What if I make a mistake and on and on…

But when you hit the pause button on your emotions, you can stop and recognize this is all part of the change process. You go through the change cycle whenever something new happens. New can be big, new job, COVID, or it can be small, someone new joins your team or you have a new business partner or project. The key is to not trust these emotions and not let them become part of her daily habits and behaviors. Recognize them for what they are – normal feelings as part of the change process.

My theory is we don’t pause and analyze these emotions in these moments, then we allow them to become part of our daily routine and habits without even realizing we just created really bad ones that make us perpetually paranoid, worried, fearful, and so many other things…

Stay tuned into to what insecurity looks liked to make sure you don’t fall into the trap.

1. Insecure people don’t trust anyone. Because insecure people believe everyone else is out to get them or make them fail. Paranoia overtakes them. Another example of this is when insecure leaders believe people have to be physically present in an office to be effective. This is a text book trait of insecurity and lack of trust of others.

2. Insecure leaders take credit for other people’s work. When insecurity takes over, paranoia sets it and people get desperate thinking it’s the only way to make themselves look good.

3. Insecure leaders don’t put their people and their development first. John Maxwell said insecure leaders don’t develop people they replace people. If you’re not spending time developing your team, they will go where someone else will.

4. Insecure leaders are territorial, horde ideas and often feeling threatened by their own people. Don’t allow a leader’s lack of confidence reflect and impact you. Truth always wins in the end. Rise above.

5. Insecure leaders compete with peers, even on their same team, to try to get to the head of the class while secure leaders recognize best ideas come from collective thinking, brainstorming and teamwork

Insecurity is our fears taking hold of us and magnifying to impact our actions, behavior and words. Why should we be worried? Fearful? Fear of being an imposter? It’s not even possible to be an imposter when there’s only one of you in all the universe that ever was and ever will be. You bring you, your God-given gifts, talents and personality that only you have! Even your culture and experiences have shaped you uniquely that only you can know and share with others to bring them courage and help them be secure in having that knowledge themselves too. Don’t allow a leader’s insecurities keep you from becoming who you are meant to be.

I love the Dr Seuss quote, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

Be secure in there is nobody as youer than you, and be the secure and servant leader you and your team deserve.